I almost didn’t review Mama Rock’s Rules: Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children. It arrived while I was away and I thought, I’ll only have two days to read it AND write the review? No way… but when I staggered home from the airport on Saturday, I found the package and ripped it open. I thought I’d read a page or two before passing out. WELL. I ended up reading almost half of it and the next morning I got up and finished it off faster than a hot sugared malasada (that’s a Hawaiian donut, in case you didn’t know).
I LOVED THIS BOOK. I loooove Mama Rock, who is the mother of comedian Chris Rock, as well as nine other kids and a ton of foster children. How much do I love her? Well, if I could, I’d invite her to come live with me and stand over my shoulder every time I say anything to my kids.
Mama Rock is a down-to-earth, no nonsense and yet warm and funny person. She IS a rock: she’s rock solid, she’s strong, and she knows how to head a family. I love her rules. Her first rule, which is nothing new really but something that practically every parent *I* know (myself included) has a very hard time with. Which is, you are not here to be your child’s friend; you are here to be their parent.
Were you torn between being a parent and a friend to the child? In my world, there is no decision to make. It was made when you had your child. As a parent, you are responsible for your child’s mental, emotional, and spir-itual growth. Your friends don’t ask you to be accountable for them in the same way, do they?
After all, I don’t tell my friends what to do or punish them if they don’t keep a promise
to me (OK, I usually act kind of cool toward them for awhile, but you know what I mean). I don’t make rules for them and certainly never enforce any. My friends also don’t expect me to provide their security or be their protector.
You ask me: Mama Rock, can’t I be both a parent and a friend to my children? Listen, when parents say they want to be friends with a child it is usually about pleasing the child; after all, no one likes friction. Every parent must have the courage to be in charge and to say no. You can have fun with your kids just like you can with a friend—we had plenty of fun—but you can’t be afraid to enforce the rules because you might lose your child’s affection. As parents, we have to protect our children. That is a job for a parent—not a friend.
This was something that I have been unclear on the concept about. I mean, it has been really, really hard for me to wrap my head around. And I have, I believe, paid the price.
Mama Rock makes a very clear distinction between being able to have FUN with a kid, and enjoy each other immensely, and being their friend. It sounds like lots of good times were had in her household, but she was still the one in charge.
She is all about having basic rules around respect, and responsibility, and just being a standup person. I think I have been a pretty good mom overall but when it comes to rules and respect and responsibility, I felt very humbled as I read this. My kids are not wayyy off the scale when it comes to disrespect, but I know they say stuff to me that would cause Mama Rock to take out her “can of whup-ass” (figuratively, not literally) and stop it right then and there. I often don’t stop things because I am pretty much a wimp much of the time. I’m not a rock, I’m a marshmallow. And that has caused problems for both me and the ones I love. Often when my kids were little, my husband and I would be frantically asking each other, “WHAT’s the consequence for this?” and we had such a hard time figuring things out. We either undershot (um, time out for 30 seconds) or overshot (”I’m never taking you anywhere again!”) and most of the time we had no clue what we were doing. If only we had had Mama Rock then.
I had a thought about chores and responsibility as I was reading this. Everyone I know (or read about) who has a large family pretty much has the chore thing down. I think this must be for two reasons: one, because when you have a TON of kids you’re just too overwhelmed to do everything yourself, and two, because if everyone’s doing it, then it’s the norm, and they make it a family culture thing, even if they don’t like it. People that I know (including self) who have one or two kids, generally do NOT make them do a bunch of chores because it’s “too much of a struggle” or “it’s just easier to do it myself” or some such.
Mama Rock has nice, good, strong opinions about just about everything and she is not shy about sharing them, which I found abundantly refreshing. She talks about how to talk to teenagers about sex (”Don’t lie down with anything you don’t want to spend your life with”) and drugs and curfews and self esteem and spirituality but in a very nondogmatic good way. She talks about the all-important family dinner and family time, but not at all in a heavyhanded way. She makes it sound easy.
She’s NOT about giving your kid organic vegetables and sleeping with them or giving them all kinds of Enrichment and whatnot. She keeps Coke! in her refrigerator, and shops at Kmart and orders Domino’s Pizza. She’s like, a REAL PERSON! That 90% of the people in this country could relate to.
I could go on and on. I am going to go back and read this book again. It humbled me and inspired me and made me wish, for a little bit, that my kids were 1 and 5 years old again so I could implement these things for a lot longer. I really want Mama Rock to come to Pact Camp and meet with all the parents there. If you feel like a bit of a spineless parent, this book could be just the shot of strength you are looking for.
This book, 
