images3.jpgPregnant sixteen year olds have been a lot on my mind this week. I went to see Juno with a buddy and much as I thought the writing was brilliant, the acting fantastic and the characters extremely endearing, I could not quite find myself giving this film a thumbs up. (warning: spoilers ahead if you have not seen the movie, so stop reading NOW if you do not want to know what happened)

Because it’s also about adoption, and whenever adoption is concerned I am super attuned to “What message are they sending here?” And I left this movie deeply concerned that the message was, “Giving your baby up for adoption is a witty, charming romp in the park!”

Sixteen year old Juno finds herself quite hilariously pregnant at the start of the film. From the dry remark by the convenience store clerk, “A pregnancy test isn’t an Etch-a-Sketch, and this is one squiggle that can’t be undone,” (or something to that effect) to her relaying her predicament to her best friend on a hamburger phone, it’s all just too cute for words. Which, really, it isn’t.

Juno’s parents, her charmingly gruff blue-collar dad, and her wise and endlessly supportive stepmom, are what every pregnant 16 year old would wish to have for parents, but probably less than 5% actually experience. They barely raise an eyebrow.

I have to say that my 17 year old accused me of having NO sense of humor and NO appreciation for the fact that “Juno” is not supposed to reflect reality, it’s supposed to be entertainment. But the movie “Elf” is more of a reflection of reality, in my mind.

But on to the adoption theme. Juno finds prospective adoptive parents for her unborn child through the Pennysaver newspaper, and they are, actually cliches of young, professional, desperate infertile parental wannabes. They are both perfect and pathetic. When they inquire about an open adoption, and Juno is like, “No way!” everyone, especially the lawyer, breathes a huge sigh of relief. Because Everyone knows how pesky and troublesome those open adoptions are.

Juno waddles through her pregnancy like an adorable penguin. Even though she complains about various things, she still keeps up her nonstop witty banter throughout, so you don’t get that she’s really suffering in any way. She just wants the thing to be over. That what she keeps calling her jutting belly: The Thing. Even after it is born, she doesn’t want to see it, hold it, nada. She’s done with it. She’s moving on with her life. And indeed, the sweet epilogue shows her in a lovely guitar duo with her sweetheart, both having Moved On quite nicely. It’s SUCH a nice ending.

Um.

I can tell you that every birthmother I have ever read, known, spoken with, listened to, etc, will tell you that there is no Moving On. And that is not sweet, easy or nice.

And even as this movie feels so hip, and indie, and cooooool, the underlying message is SO right-wing it kind of makes me sick. It made me feel confused, and kind of dizzy, and sick. How could such an adorable, smart, witty girl such as Juno be giving such backwards messages?

As in:

Adoption relinquishment is a piece of cake!

Open adoption is totally scary and not a path anyone in their right mind would choose!

Abortion is not okay because fetuses have fingernails!

Once you give a baby up for adoption, everything is Okay and you can Move On beautifully!

Pregnancy is actually kind of cute and amusing.

I’m thinking, uncomfortably, that Juno is a great Trojan horse for the right. So unexpected. She says she doesn’t like George Bush, but she didn’t fool me.

And speaking of pregnant 16 year olds, amidst all the brouhaha surrounding Jamie Lynn Spears, there is one lone voice sending her congratulations. I can bet that Jamie Lynn would get quite the hero’s welcome if she decided to relinquish for adoption, but since she’s deciding to parent herself, it’s a different story.

If you want to read a long-term true story of what it’s like to be pregnant and relinquish a child at 16, I strongly recommend Meredith Hall’s exquisite, poignant and totally complex memoir Without A Map. The writing in this book just blew me away. I think it should be required reading for teens, after they have a great time seeing Juno.

EDITED: Here is a really much more articulate version of what I was trying to say.