I don’t remember exactly how/where this came about, but my mom is now coming to work with me once or twice a week. She gets put to work stuffing envelopes in the room next door to mine, and at lunch time I take her out to lunch at one of the many eating establishments on our bustling street. She really looks forward to it. Usually on Wednesdays she’ll say, “Am I going to work today?” and there usually is something for her to do. There’s a big all-day event coming up this weekend, so today she put together all the participant packets.
She used to go and volunteer at my daughter’s school once a week, because that’s what she was used to, working as a school secretary for almost 30 years. But often she’d go in and they’d have nothing for her to do, and she’d be really bored. I’d pick her up and ask, “What’d you do today?” and she’d sigh. “Nuttin’.”
Now I only bring her in if there’s a day’s worth of work, and that’s usually once or twice a week. It’s worked out GREAT for our office receptionist, who takes twice as long to do these big mailings and things because she also has to answer the phone every five seconds, and greet people, and go to the post office and a hundred other tasks. Now my mom focuses on the envelopes, and D focused on HER job, and it all works out great.
But sometimes I think about what we’re all doing, and I just shake my head because I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m living with my mom because I just never thought this would happen. I never thought it would be possible, and that it would work out. Sometimes it gets bumpy but for the most part, it is all good. And then I can’t believe I take her to work with me. And that we work together in a progressive adoption organization. Sometimes I just have to shake my head and blink and pinch myself. It’s all like some extremely surreal dream. I can just imagine describing this dream to somebody ten years ago, and they would laugh and roll their eyes and say yeah, right.
Today, as she was preparing those folders, she snagged a typo in a document I’d made a month ago, that had been proofed about ten times by three different people, and nobody caught it. I have to say, I was partly embarrassed but mostly like, WHOA Mom, good catch!
At lunchtime, my husband Wednesday Wife stopped by because I’d left part of my computer’s powercord at home and he happened to be free and able to bring it down. He offered to take us out to lunch. She said she wanted sushi. We walked up to the sushi place, and lo and behold, our younger daughter was already in there, eating sushi with two of her friends (on Wednesdays her school lets the kids eat lunch in the neighborhood). She did not seem at all surprised or dismayed to see us. We sat at the table in back of them. She finished before we did and as she got up to go back to school she waved and said, “Bye Mom. Bye Dad. Bye Nana!” It was such a funny, great, serendipitous moment.
Meanwhile, we danced separately tonight, and our big girl is in the midst of her 2nd night in the desert.
February 27, 2008 at 9:53 pm
That’s so beautiful, and, of course, I am thinking of the older daughter, sending peace and joy.
February 27, 2008 at 11:12 pm
That’s wonderful that things have worked out so well.
Some of my recent planning has had to do with preparing for the possibility that my mom would come live me years down the road. We talk about it in a vague sort of way, and I know we both wonder if that could ever work (and fear that it wouldn’t). Nice to know of a case where it has!
February 28, 2008 at 5:04 am
No doubt your mom is a great lady (as are you) . I have seen the pictures you have posted and I am always so tickled. She looks so full of spunk. I cannot help but wonder (and it is okay if you find this intrusive) do you think you try harder because you are adoopted? You are an intelligent, caring woman who seems to truly understand what you lost, the value of the mother child bond, does that understanding help you be more tolerant of your amom, work harder for the relationship? Just curious.
And post pictures of her again. I love seeing them.
February 28, 2008 at 7:01 am
I love reading about your family.
February 28, 2008 at 7:11 am
“Meanwhile, we danced separately tonight…”
I LOVE this line, Susan, and how your family — in so many ways — dances both together and separately. And so well.
February 28, 2008 at 8:23 am
suz, that is such a complex question. I don’t really know (if I “try harder” because I am adopted). I do know that when the question of her living with us came up, this thought popped into my mind: “She gave me a home and a place to live when I didn’t have one, so I am going to do that for her.” I don’t ever want her to feel abandoned. I do know that many times she has said that SHE doesn’t want to live here with us, that she wants to go back to NY, but over the years, and it has taken me YEARS to understand, that that is her immediate response to stress. If things are hard here, as they can be with any family, she has a flight reaction. Early on this made me feel incredibly abandoned and hurt. But now I realize that that is just her way of coping, and she doesn’t truly mean it.
I will say that I think it is really really hard to be 86 years old and dependent on your child, to no longer have your life partner or your own home. I don’t know if I will/would cope with it well. Nobody wants to feel like a burden. Which is why this WORK situation is such a great thing; she is able to contribute in a real concrete way that everyone feels good about.
Whew, that was a long response. And I don’t even know if I answered your question!
March 1, 2008 at 3:34 am
This is a really sweet post. Your family is a true blessing – the hard parts and the joyful. You’ve cheered and encouraged me today.
April 3, 2008 at 7:09 am
[...] be there forever, but now it is really hard to imagine leaving. I love my coworkers (including my mother, who comes to work with me every Wednesday). I love the [...]