imagedb.jpgI almost didn’t agree to reviewing The Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer because I was wary of the subject matter: stay at home mothers. I tend to get all prickly and weird around this topic because it is SO loaded and I realize that even though I have often BEEN at home during my children’s lives, I do not want to be considered or think of myself as a SAHM. I’ve always worked part time or at home. I used to say, “I’m a stay at home mom, but my kids are not stay at home kids.” (they went to daycare/preschool from a very young age and I truly believe we are all much the better for it)

But I decided to go for it anyway and I am so glad that I did. First of all, the writing in this book just made me incredibly happy. I loved the sentences. For the first time in a very very long time, I found myself actually underlining passages on every page. Because I was so tickled to death by the way Meg Wolitzer puts words together.  As I read, I made satisfied noises out loud. I laughed out loud many, many times while I read this book. Some examples:

A husband had admitted that he swallowed their hyperactive son’s Ritalin every evening on the commuter train going home so he could actually pay attention at night when his wife told him about her day.

One of the mothers.. was a theoretical physicist with a particular interest in string theory, and she looked not tormented and overcome, but happy. Amy had seen her recently balancing a tray of sliding, homemade cupcakes… the cupcakes bore smears of oddly gray frosting that seemed like the outcome of a radical FDA experiment in food coloring, but so what?

 When the elevator arrived, the doors opened to reveal two women dressed for work, both in suits. Amy felt as though she must seem to them a rumpled bed, or a sweet old farm animal.

HA! I know that feeling. I feel like that even when I am dressed “for work.”

At any rate, the book follows a group of intelligent, interesting women whose children are all about ten years old. They “opted out” of their work (or artistic) lives when their children were born, and now that their children are leaning towards independence, they are startled and trying to figure out what to do with themselves.

I found it fascinating, moving, hilarious, poignant and very rich. I think this would make a tremendous book club book. There are so many layers of things to discuss – money issues, sexuality, friendship between women, loyalty, parenting, jealousy, marriage. Not one of these issues is glossed over, but examined in great and affectionate detail. Each woman is extremely human and we are made to feel sympathy for each of them.

It was somewhat sad to me that the one adoptive mother in the book has a “parental attachment disorder,” ie she is constantly stressed over her daughter’s “differentness” and is unable to feel good about her. That made me sad. Interestingly, and thankfully, the other mothers in the group really love this woman’s daughter and seem to be able to appreciate her for who she is.

Also, the Asian woman in the group, as another blogger pointed out, is a stereotypical math geek. WHY does it have to be the Asian woman? (her husband, also Asian, is also a math geek banker) I have to admit that Wolitzer wrote about her obsession with numbers (she is constantly converting things into metric measurements in her head, which is quite endearing and weirdly fascinating) quite beautifully, but I hated that it was the Asian woman. Also that she had a teeny slender little body and immigrant parents who work in a dumpling shop. Ugh. PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSE.

But other than that, I found this book to be extreeeemely satisfying. I want everyone I know to read it so we can talk about it. In fact, one of the things I loved most about this book was the deep treatment of womens’ conversations; the things they will and will not discuss with each other. I was riveted by this subject matter because I notice these things all the time; the boundaries we have with each other. I notice what people choose to tell me or not tell me, and I notice the same things about myself, and how much I measure our friendships in that regard.  If you were having an affair, who would you tell? If you were having trouble with money?

There are no easy answers, and no right answers. This book will make you laugh but it will also make you think. It’s a great combination.

And hey, here’s a great interview with the author.

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