That would be me, running around every waking moment, even in my mind when I’m sitting still. I’ve been incredibly, incredibly tired this week. Yesterday during my workout I kept laying down and almost falling asleep, and when it was over I really couldn’t move. I put my head down and closed my eyes. All I wanted was to sleeeeep.

This is the crunch time of crunch times. The travel-coordinator job for my daughter’s team is really kicking my butt. The upcoming regionals race next weekend is going to be a 4-day circus that involves buses, four hotels, 3 catered dinners, dozens of chaperones and some super intense racing. A lot is at stake. Tensions are high. I’m in charge of more logistics than I can shake a stick at.  Last night my husband said, “No way you’re doing this again next year, are you?” And I hesitated. Partly it’s a question of whether daughter #2 will join the team. If she doesn’t it’s all over. If she does though, part of me masochistically does want to do this job again, to see if I can do it right, do it better, more smoothly. This year has been the steepest learning curve, and I want it to be better.

I’m also in crunch time for Pact Camp. It’s getting very exciting at this point, and it’s feeling very REAL. It’s my fourth year of coordinating camp, and it is feeling smoother, more professional and better each time. Each year we learn a lot and each year I think it improves.  Sometimes when I’m in this time of year I wonder if I will ever write anything (besides this blog) again. But I know the end of July is coming and it will all feel different.

It’s exhausting but all of it is rewarding. And I think back on the time before I had this job. I had a LOT more free time. But I was much unhappier. I frittered away many hours feeling useless.  I don’t feel useless anymore. I just feel like I wish I had so so so much more time.

When I come home from work, I make dinner and then I usually have a couple of hours of travel work to do. Yesterday I think I exchanged over 100 emails and phone calls.  At night, there’s always more to do. Ditto on the weekends and I even was dealing with this stuff when we were on “vacation” in Hawaii.  I am longing for a writing colony.

Am I complaining? I’m not really complaining. I could stop any of this right now. I could quit. But I’m not doing that because it’s all good, it’s just too much good stuff all at the same time.